Each day began with a 4am morning call and a whole day of meditation sessions, either in group or individually. In the afternoon, we were given the opportunity to schedule private meetings with the instructors for any questions or concerns that we may have. This would be the only time that we were allowed to speak. The night ended with a recorded lecture which teaches us new meditation techniques and philosophies. As for daily meals, we were served vegetarian food twice a day, which were actually quite delicious. But my stomach had trouble holding in all the curries. Since our last full meal of the day ended at noon, I was usually hungry by bedtime. For me, the most difficult part was the lack of stimulation. There was no talking, no reading, no outside contact, I felt like a POW. However, I do understand the objective of these regulations. The goal of meditation is to shut off the outside world, examine your internal self, and ultimately reach enlightenment. But personally, I was not seeking enlightenment, but to experience the serenity and to learn the techniques.
A few things that I did gain from this experience:
1. An awareness to my physical body
By the 3rd day of meditation, I started to feel my fingertips pumping with blood circulation. By the 5th day, I became aware the movement of the little hair on my upper lip as I breathed in and out.
2. Flashback of moments from our wedding
It reminded me of how lucky I am to have E in my life. I imagined reuniting with E and Moo after this long retreat. 10 days can be a long time especially when I was cut off from all communications.
3. Memories of my dear grandma who passed away six years ago
She passed away in Taipei when I was living in Calgary. The last time I visited, she was clearly getting old but still seemed healthy. I remember my aunt telling me that it would likely be the last time I see my grandma. But I brushed it off, thinking that she would still be there when I visit again the following year. Unfortunately, my aunt was right. I never got a proper chance to say goodbye to my grandma. But memories of her were still clear in my mind as if she was with me throughout the course.
4. A sudden let-go of the grudge that I was holding toward a certain landlord from the past
When I was living in Calgary, I went through an awful experience with a landlord who was unemployed and just looking to make some quick cash from students. Let's just say many clauses were broken in the lease and it almost ended in a law suit. For years, I held a grudge toward her. The mentioning of her name enraged me. But for some odd reason, that anger disappeared by the end of the meditation course.
5. A shovel comes handy in heavy snow
After 10 days, I was all meditated out and looking forward to going home. But there was no sight of my car in the parking lot. I went around in search of my car and then spent more than 1 hour to dig it out with a shovel!
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| My accomplishment on the 10th day |
